precioso: like what my grandpa calls me each time we hang up the phone.

precioso: the sweet admission that despite not being what my grandfather hoped i would be, he still finds me precious.

precioso: a particular use of the word. a term that, when used to describe a person in spanish, is usually reserved for cis women, ‘preciosa’.

precioso: an acknowledgment that i’m not like his other nietos. that you are going to take a specific kind of work.

precioso: something to be taken care of, with tenderness. like someone who will be called ugly names. who will be made to feel less. who will often feel out of place. who will have such a hard time loving themselves, let alone letting others love them.

precioso: like, i want to hold you and protect you because I know that this world has had no problem letting you die in the past. but you keep on resurrecting and living and crawling and thriving and dying all over again. but i’m afraid that one day, after all the digging and all the graves, i won’t be able to find you underneath all the dirt.

precioso: something to be protected at all costs. because people will not understand you and takeadvanatage of your vulnerability and snatch parts of your soul. precioso: like, aquí estoy cuando me necesites.

precioso: like, acostémonos en la cama con la abuela while we listen to the street dogs bar and smell the bittersweet tinto. and while abuela rubs your hair. and tells you that she thinks about you every day. and prays for you. and just wants you to be happy. and you tell that one joke you’ve told a gajillion times before. and i still laugh because i know that it’s part of the moment, a moment that i don’t get a lot of.

precioso: like i know i’ve made you cry before, but i’m trying to learn and i’m trying to accept, and i’m trying to be better. I just didn’t expect you to be this particular type of gift. and i just don’t know what to do and what to think and what to feel. and let me figure it out, because i know that all i really feel is love for you. and this is about me and my own insecurities. and i know it’s just easier for me to tell you to change. and it’s so much easier to discard something you don’t understand.

precioso: like leaving a comment reading, ‘eres un ser muy especial.’

precioso: a casting of a spell. like when abuelo is sitting on the couch, overlooking the bogota mountains and the sunset rests in his eyes. and he’s drinking agua de panela. and for a second he realizes that this warmth is the same kind of feeling he gets when he’s around me. so he says ‘precioso’--and he makes me appear--his magical grandson. and we just play chess all night. and he tells me that joke again.

precioso: like te quiero mucho mi precioso.