CHARACTERS:

Ethan Cooke: Governor

Lauren Cooke: His wife

Andrew: Advisor/speechwriter

Caroline: Advisor/speechwriter

Lea: The Cooke’s child

SCENE: Evening. An artistically designed family room-cum-office.

[LEA plays with a toy in the center of the room. ANDREW and CAROLINE enter, in mid-conversation]

ANDREW

[Reading off paper] … ‘I’ve been grappling with how best to reconcile myself to the good people of this state, to acknowledge my own wrongdoing, while still maintaining my focus on what we will need’ …

CAROLINE

It’s cold. Sounds like a computer wrote it.

ANDREW

 … ‘I apologize for misleading my constituents, my wife’ …

CAROLINE

He’s laid out the facts.

ANDREW

… ‘As Benjamin Franklin admonished’ –

CAROLINE

[Interrupting] Benjamin Franklin? Benjamin Franklin? No, no.

ANDREW

What do you have against Benjamin Franklin?

CAROLINE

Nobody cares about Benjamin Franklin [Noticing LEA] What are you doing up? I love that little doll. Should I still call it Lulu?

LEA

No. I’ve changed it back.

CAROLINE

Have you? You really do have an imagination, don’t you?

[LAUREN and ETHAN enter]

LAUREN

Lea shouldn’t be up – Caroline? Can you help?

CAROLINE

I’ll take her. She probably only wanted to say good night. [Takes LEA’s hand] Come on now.

LAUREN

Tell her I’ll come up a bit.

[CAROLINE and LEA exit]

ANDREW

You shouldn’t treat Caroline like that. She’s not the nanny.

LAUREN

I don’t want you around either – give me the speech. [Reads]

ANDREW

Press conference is scheduled for nine.

ETHAN

… How does it look? I worked all afternoon on it.

LAUREN

What do you think? Caroline? Caroline! Get back in here.

[CAROLINE enter]

What the hell is this, Caroline? What do you think?

CAROLINE

I think it could use a little warmth.

ETHAN

Warmth?

ANDREW

Let’s not start changing too many things.

LAUREN

Warmth. That’s right … Go on, Caroline.

ANDREW

We can’t be changing everything around so close to the –

CAROLINE

There’s the admission of guilt. The apology – sounds twofaced.

LAUREN

That’s right, Caroline. That’s very right.

ETHAN

I spent the whole goddamn speech apologizing!

LAUREN

Caroline is correct. It’s rigid, all lines and angles. You sound like you’re talking on a train derailment – making sure everyone knows how both sorry you are, and how little you’re at fault.

ETHAN

I thought it was honest, genuine …

ANDREW

[Rereading speech] We really shouldn’t be changing things so close to the press conference.

ETHAN

I’ll make sure to sell it.

LAUREN

No, we’ll need to work on it. You don’t sound like you give a –

[LEA enter]

What are you still doing up?

[LAUREN motions to CAROLINE for help. THEY exit]

You go too, Andrew. I need to speak to my husband alone.

ANDREW

It’s a fine speech, Lauren – It shouldn’t need any changing.

LAUREN

‘Lauren’? What the hell is wrong with you.

ETHAN

Mrs. Cooke is what he meant.

LAUREN

I don’t even like ‘Mrs. Cooke,’ anymore.

[ANDREW exit. LAUREN sitting, staring at ETHAN]

I know you’re not sorry, but you can at least pretend for me.

ETHAN

What do you mean, I’m not sorry? It’s true what I wrote. [Grumbling] It took a long time writing that down. It’s a hard thing to do, to apologize.

LAUREN

Stop acting like a little boy – This is cold as ice.

ETHAN

Then you write it.

LAUREN

What do you think I’m doing? … [Rereading] ‘I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public.’ What the hell, Ethan?

ETHAN

Sure, add your womanly touch.

LAUREN

[Rereading] ‘As anyone close to me knows … grappling with how best to reconcile myself … to acknowledge my own wrongdoing and still to maintain my focus on the work to help the people’ blah blah blah … ‘I am profoundly sorry for all I have done wrong and’ … No, no … [Writing] This will be the last time I do this. I hope you don’t have other girlfriends around waiting to pop their heads out. Well, it doesn’t matter to me. If you don’t win your election, you’ll be on your own soon enough.

ETHAN

What? You would divorce me if I don’t get re-elected?

LAUREN

Don’t act so surprised –

ETHAN

You don’t know how that makes me feel.

LAUREN

Good, then let’s get your speech set … I don’t like losers.

ETHAN

I swear I wrote truly – Lauren, I’m sorrier than you know.

LAUREN

A half-million women out there will be rolling their eyes tomorrow morning unless you get your act together.

ETHAN

I’m not saying it’s perfect, but I worked hard to –

LAUREN

[Interrupting] Quiet! [Writing] I’m trying to concentrate.

ETHAN

[Softly] You would divorce me? And take Lea with you?

LAUREN

Wouldn’t that be best? Then you can sleep with who you want.

ETHAN

None of that meant anything and you know so.

LAUREN

Why would I ‘know so.’

ETHAN

It was a stupid night that could’ve happened to anyone – Lauren, I wouldn’t know what I would do if I –

LAUREN

I don’t believe you. But that doesn’t matter.

ETHAN

Of course, it matters that –

LAUREN

No, it doesn’t happen to everyone. Caroline? Caroline?

ETHAN

So, I got too drunk and made some mistakes. Drinking always had a bad effect on me. I’ve learned my lesson. I haven’t had even a beer in three months.

LAUREN

I’m sure you haven’t … Quiet. Let me work here.

ETHAN

None of them mean anything …

LAUREN

[Snidely] ‘Them’?

ETHAN

I didn’t mean, ‘them.’

LAUREN

I really don’t care. And neither should you. For right now, we need to worry on your speech. That’s all.

ETHAN

It’s only nice to get a little attention here or there.

LAUREN

Just let me think this out. You don’t want to lose your election, do you? And then what will you be? After I’m done with you, you’ll be lucky to get a little apartment by yourself.

ETHAN

You have the right to tease me but –

LAUREN

I’m not teasing you. I’m prologuing you.

ETHAN

I’m only saying that lonely nights bring about –

LAUREN

They’re plenty of people out there who cherish their family and wouldn’t get caught dead with other women. Don’t pretend you got dragged into it.

ETHAN

It’s easy for those that don’t have any options.

LAUREN

That’s better. You’re now saying what you think.

ETHAN

[Quietly] I’m only getting angry … I don’t know what I would do without you and Lea.

LAUREN

Hush! Keep quiet while I think.

ETHAN

[Humbly] You wouldn’t really divorce me, would you?

LAUREN

You should be worrying over what you’re going to say tomorrow.

ETHAN

That’s in your hands now, isn’t it?

LAUREN

Yes. You can practice your ‘sad face’ and crying. Nobody cares what you do with the budget now … [Reading] I don’t know how the hell you thought this was going to be passable. It’s superficial. I’m doing more over here than rearranging the words. Caroline was right. Of course, you don’t care –

ETHAN

If I don’t care, then what’s the point in doing it?

LAUREN

What? And are you going to resign? Is that your plan?

ETHAN

I could.

LAUREN

[Chuckling ironically] Don’t give me that bullshit. You won’t stop until you’re president of this goddamn country.

ETHAN

And you’ll be the first lady.

LAUREN

If you’re lucky. Maybe you would like it better with a new one.

ETHAN

No, I wouldn’t …

LAUREN

Are you sure?

ETHAN

Of course, not. I would rather die than touch anyone else. I’m sitting right here, aren’t I? … That should be a sign to you about how much I care. I read they don’t like you much out there. It doesn’t matter how many children’s hospitals you visit. They don’t like you. But I do and –

LAUREN

[Interrupting] If they don’t like me, you can trade me in.

ETHAN

No, I like you too much.

LAUREN

… Anyways, a two-family ‘family man’ won’t get you anywhere. You wouldn’t get much of the women vote with some little blonde.

ETHAN

A pretty enough blonde would trick them well enough.

LAUREN

Well, they’re out there … Now, don’t interrupt me.

ETHAN

I was joking about that. I’m joking about it all.

LAUREN

I don’t care if you were or not. There’s plenty of blondes and plenty of lawyers … not so plenty stacks of money. [Calling] Caroline? Can you hear me? I want your opinion on something.

[Pause, as she writes]

ETHAN

I wrote exactly what I thought and if you think I’m not sincere that’s on you. I love you more than anything, Lea too. I swear that if you told me to, I would resign the office.

LAUREN

Didn’t you hear me before? I wouldn’t waste my time with some little lawyer. [Softly, coldly] You’re acting like you wouldn’t mind a divorce with all this talking resignation. You know that I wouldn’t waste time with –

ETHAN

[Flummoxed] What are you saying to me?

LAUREN

Let’s not get emotional, Ethan. You’re acting like you’ve made your piece with it, and so will I. Now, reading the speech, it’s about like everything else I’ve ever seen. Could be plagiarized, for all I know. [Tosses back speech] Read it. See if you would believe it yourself.

ETHAN

Andrew said it was fine.

LAUREN

Andrew! Get in here!

[ANDREW enter]

Are you stupid or careless? You’ve been telling him to give this speech to the ‘good and noble’ people? What the hell is this?

ANDREW

We shouldn’t be making such changes so close to the conference.

LAUREN

[Calling] Caroline? I’m calling you!

[CAROLINE enter]

You read this.

CAROLINE

Lea was asking something of me and –

LAUREN

Read the speech and tell me what you think. I was trying this or that, but I don’t know how it sounds.

CAROLINE

[Reading new speech, nodding] This is better, Mrs. Cooke.

LAUREN

Goddamn right.

CAROLINE

[Reading] ‘I immediately recognized my mistake. I told my wife that I had a relationship with another woman. I asked for her forgiveness. Although I was honest in every tender detail with my family, I did not tell the public.’

LAUREN

Goddamn right … That’s good, isn’t it?

ANDREW

It’s fine, but don’t be changing too much.

ETHAN

Leave her alone. She’s looking out for me.

LAUREN

Mr. Cooke might not care what he did now that he’s gotten half away with it. But we have an election to win. Isn’t that right, Andrew? … [To ETHAN] You’re going to be saying exactly what I told you … or else you might be getting your divorce. And I won’t waste a moment. [Laughing] How would you explain that?

ANDREW

It might endear him.

LAUREN

He might get what he wants after all.

ETHAN

Shut up, Lauren. You’re not divorcing me.

ANDREW

If you’re going to bicker, then I’ll go.

ETHAN

Then go. You too, Caroline.

LAUREN

You stick around, Caroline … I need your help.

ANDREW

We need our sleep. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.

LAUREN

Out!

[ANDREW exit]

Caroline, you try to figure out the ending … I’m exhausted.

CAROLINE

Lea was only asking me if –

LAUREN

Let’s finish it before we get into anything else. Sit, Caroline.

[CAROLINE sits, begins work]

You make him grovel a little. He’s still a little too proud. Isn’t he? You make him apologize if he doesn’t do it himself.

CAROLINE

The ending should be a little more assertive. That way, we can insure the good image … You want to signal to people that you’ve moved on, and they should as well.

LAUREN

At least until next time.

ETHAN

There won’t be a next time.

LAUREN

Oh, shut up … I know this isn’t the only one you have under your bed. That’s why I told you I’m only doing this once.

ETHAN

I don’t have any –

LAUREN

I’m not so stupid.

CAROLINE

[Reading] ‘It’s insufficient to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry. It’s insufficient to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. As governor of this great state, I have come to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.’

LAUREN

I like that. ‘Narcissistic.’ That’s a damn good word.

ETHAN

Everyone says that now. It’s common.

LAUREN

And you will use it too. Go on, Caroline.

ETHAN

I’m not a narcissist.

LAUREN

[Looking him over] No, I’m sorry you’re not.

CAROLINE

Maybe we should put that at the beginning.

LAUREN

Sure. Let’s not make a wimp out of him.

CAROLINE

We’ll turn it back to the people … That you’re already looking past it and to the future. The future for ‘all of you.’

LAUREN

That’s right, go on, about him helping the ‘good people.’

ETHAN

The ‘good people.’ You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?

LAUREN

How can I not?

ETHAN

They are ‘good people.’

LAUREN

Everyone always is. Don’t act so grumpy. It’s better this way than any divorce, isn’t it?

ETHAN

Yes, you can enjoy the mansion and the press and –

LAUREN

I’m thinking of Lea.

ETHAN

[Ironically] Are you?

LAUREN

Do you think I care about the mansion and –

ETHAN

You read your press more than I do.

LAUREN

Galas are more interesting than budgets.

CAROLINE

[Reading] ‘We must return to the work, the vital work, of strengthening ourselves for the future. We have wonderful opportunities and formidable challenges ahead. I intend to seize those opportunities and meet those challenges with all the energy and ability and strength God has given me.’

ETHAN

No ‘God.’ None of that.

LAUREN

What he means is add ‘God’ in a little more. God? What’s wrong with you? We’re still a God-fearing people.

ETHAN

I never ran that way. I’ve never mentioned ‘God’ once.

LAUREN

You never ran in any way. All you did was listen to what others told you. You don’t have any real thoughts inside of you.

ETHAN

You really are enjoying this.

LAUREN

No. I’m saving you. You would be back to contracts, making sure old ladies got their inheritances if not for me. A dull life.

ETHAN

For you too.

LAUREN

Of course.

ETHAN

No money to buy shoes and purses and –

LAUREN

[Dryly] Once you get a taste, you’re never full.

CAROLINE

[Reading] ‘Thank you. And may God bless us.’

LAUREN

Let me see. [Reading] Fine, fine … not bad, Caroline.

CAROLINE

Thank you … Do you mind if I see on Lea. She wanted to show –

LAUREN

Yes, you go. Tell Andrew we’ll see him in the morning.

[CAROLINE exit]

You’ll be alright in a few days. The people will move on and start remembering the usual things.

ETHAN

[Reading] You should’ve let me write the speech.

LAUREN

I should’ve done a lot of things. [Standing, brushes clothes] You’ll say you’re sorry, that you will never do it again. Who knows? In five or ten years, you might be president. Then it’ll be worth it, won’t it?

ETHAN

Ask yourself.

LAUREN

I’ve done so.

[LAUREN, disappointedly, but hiding grin, exit]

[ETHAN watches after her, a light smile on his face]